Job Posting: Tunnel Bar Bartender Extraordinaire

Position: Master of Mixology (a.k.a. Bartender)

Location: The Tunnel Bar – Where Drinks Flow and Secrets Go to Die

About Us:

Welcome to The Tunnel Bar, the most exclusive underground escape this side of the tracks. Tucked beneath the surface (literally), we’re the place where patrons sip, savor, and sometimes confess their wildest secrets. Think speakeasy vibes with a dash of “Is that a ghost?” We’re not saying the tunnels are haunted, but you might hear more than just the ice machine at night.

The Role:

•Craft cocktails that make customers think you’ve bottled happiness.

•Pretend you care about Steve’s latest breakup… again.

•Pour the perfect pint while dodging unsolicited karaoke requests.

•Manage the delicate balance of banter, bar snacks, and bad dance moves.

•Calmly inform patrons, “No, we do not serve Jello shots at a classy joint like this…unless you brought some.”

You’ll Thrive If You:

•Can shake a martini like James Bond’s personal bartender.

•Have eyes in the back of your head for spotting empty glasses, spilled drinks, and “accidentally” pilfered coasters.

•Are fluent in sarcasm and small talk, especially when someone orders “just water.”

•Believe every cocktail deserves its moment in the spotlight (and maybe an Instagram story).

Perks:

•A front-row seat to the best bar stories you’ll ever hear (and sometimes wish you hadn’t).

•A paycheck to fund your growing collection of ironic t-shirts.

•The opportunity to serve drinks underground without joining a mole colony.

•Staff discounts, because you deserve a stiff drink after every shift.

Requirements:

•Must have a pulse (but bonus points if you bring life to the party).

•Prior bartending experience or the confidence to fake it.

•Ability to lift kegs, handle rush hours, and maintain a cheery disposition even when the jukebox plays “Free Bird” for the fifth time.

To Apply: